Take heart! It’s no-nonsense, filling and utterly satisfying stuff
Mark Laba
Province
The Diner owner Stella (right, with Tom and Jean Hodgkinson, and Reginald Lee) could have hosted her own BBC series with that cheeky British humour. Photograph by : Jason Payne, The Province
THE DINER
Where: 4556 West 10th Ave., Vancouver
Payment/reservations: Major credit cards, 604-224-1912
Drinks: Tea, coffee, soft drinks
Hours: Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-7 p.m.; Sun. 10 a.m.-6 p.m.
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I prepared for this place by first viewing 56 consecutive episodes of Coronation Street, which I watched while downing pot after pot of PG Tips and eating McVities digestives by the dozen and then ordering a slightly used Jarvik artificial heart off EBay. The guy told me he had jury-rigged the thing to act as a carburetor on his Chevy Impala but it would probably work just as well for human beings. “Just don’t try installing it yourself,” he e-mailed me.
The British Empire was a great empire and Britain today is a wonderful place, steeped in culture and history and of course fry-pan grease. How the hell they made it this far is anybody’s guess. When you think of the copious amounts of greasy foods and grisly internal organ meats they eat with only one head of broccoli and one stick of celery to share among the entire nation, it’s astounding that everyone in Britain isn’t outfitted with a Jarvik from birth.
Nonetheless, there’s something inherently pleasurable in a great British-style fry-up breakfast, a deep-fried binge at lunch or a mixed grill or classic steak and kidney pie for dinner complete with chips.
So welcome to The Diner, in business now for 50 years serving up that classic British no-nonsense fare. You may actually hear your wheezing heart surrender. Owner Stella is the consummate hostess with that cheeky British humour that should’ve snagged her her own BBC special. Helping her out is her daughter Jean, her son-in-law Tom and her husband Reg.
The interior looks like someone sprayed buckshot of knickknacks and British bric-a-brac across the walls. Pictures of the royal family are everywhere and behind my blue booth seat loomed an image of Prince Charles so big it looked like you could drive a double-decker bus through his ears. My dining companion Small Fry Eli was especially mesmerized by the marvellous and motorized wooden model of London Bridge that sits in the front window. Unfortunately the motor is on the fritz and the parts quite specialized but hopefully the thing will be up and running again.
Small Fry Eli was also taken with an early picture of the Queen. “She’s beautiful,” he said. “Mommy could maybe look like that.”
“You mean we should get her a crown.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
This place does a great traditional English breakfast ($7.95) served all day, a veritable ode to the fry pan with bacon, eggs, sausage, baked beans, fried tomatoes, hash browns and fried bread. As well there’s tasty bangers and mash ($9.55), steak and kidney pie ($10.95), Shepherd’s pie ($10.95) or fish and chips available with sole, haddock or cod.
Ironically, that day I opted for Salisbury Steak ($10.95), an American invention but this place does it up beautifully with lots of fried onions, brown gravy, steamed veggies plus some nicely browned potatoes. Nobody understands tubers like the Brits.
Small Fry Eli dug into his ham sandwich with gusto, probably due to the thick slathering of butter on the bread. If you’re there around teatime, try the homemade apricot or Devon oatmeal scones.
On the wall next to me was a photo of Reg’s mother and sister camped out in the London subway during a Second World War air raid. I could almost hear Vera Lynn singing “Hits of the Blitz” from a crackly radio. This eatery is built of memories for transplanted Brits. My favourite writer, P.G. Wodehouse, once wrote, “Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.” Well, they serve said soup here and there’s no fear of stirring either the soup or the memories in this place.
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THE BOTTOM LINE: Heart-warming, heart-stopping and thoroughly satisfying.
RATINGS: Food: B+; Service: A; Atmosphere: B+
© The Vancouver Province 2008